Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
