All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
