I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
