Duck Duck Cougar?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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