oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why are your pants in the freezer?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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