hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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