Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Drake has all the answers
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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