This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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