There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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