so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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