I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
