I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
