the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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