I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize