i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
