Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize