I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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