so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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