do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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