I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
