We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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