If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I would fuck him just for his dog
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
