when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
