is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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