i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
