just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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