Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
