oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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