This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
