He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize