if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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