I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
