ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
