i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
