the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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