you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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