filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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