I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
