I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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