He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
