I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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