He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
