you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
