My friends, they love my intelligence
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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