I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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