He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
