I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
