well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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