Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
