Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
