Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
