I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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