i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
