Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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