did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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