JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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