Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
