Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just sent this text using only my big toe
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
