I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You can't just leave with hair like that
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
