My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
